flashback
by obsessed1
Summary: Shep whump. Edited to tidy it up a bit.


Disclaimer, not mine

Set during the time they had STEVE the Wraith.

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Sheppard zipped up his vest, double checked the contents of the pockets and slung his P90 over his shoulder hugging it to his chest as he descended the steps down to the gate room. He yawned as he approached his team who had been waiting for him. He was unusually tardy this morning.

Weir was stood in the control room and he heard her voice come over the tannoy, "Glad you could join us Major," she stated. "Now this mission can actually begin."

Sheppard turned to her and gave her a little wave.

"I'm the CO. The mission doesn't start till I get here anyway." He mumbled under his breath as he approached the others, "We ready?" he asked stifling another yawn.

"Are you?" asked Mckay.

"Yeah, I'm fine" he stated clipping his ear piece onto his ear and checking for reception. "Right, dial it up."

--------------------------------------------

Sheppard leant against one of the crates containing food and sighed for what seemed like the millionth time that day. The others were busy negotiating with the Ethusians over prices in an old wooden hut opposite and Sheppard had quickly grown bored. He just hadn't been able to feel settled lately, he felt wound up like a spring, liable to let ituncoil at any time. His chest felt tight and constricted and his head woolly from the lack of sleep he had had over the past few weeks.

He rubbed at his eyes and unhooked his P90 from his shoulder, rested it on top of the crate and unzipped his vest. It was hot here and he was sweating, already feeling the dampness of his back seeping through his t-shirt.

"What's taking so long?" he muttered under his breath and shook his head.

"Major?" Ford's voice crackled over his radio.

"Yeah Ford, what's the situation in there? It's hot out here," he whined.

"Uh, there's a slight problem. The Ethusians want more." He said simply.

"More?" said Sheppard exasperated and feeling anger boil to the surface.

"They don't like our terms. They want more medical supplies, and they can only provide us with five crates," he said waiting for a response.

"What this is……..I'm coming in there," he said picking up his gun and stalking over to the hut. He practically took the door off the hinges when he enteredand turned to Mckay and Teyla, "Start loading the crates, dial up and send them through the gate," he said.

"You can't," said the leader of the Ethusians, his cheeks puffed out like a blowfish.

"I'll talk to you in a second," said Sheppard holding his hand up.

"John?" asked Teyla. She was concerned having never seen the Major behave quite so strangely, "Is everything okay?"

"Just go load the crates," he said through his teeth and they both left quickly.

Ford stood behind him at the door, his arm slung casually over his weapon. He was unsure as to what his superior was doing, but as his subordinate he would have to follow.

"You are not getting anything else off us," stated Sheppard.

"If you take the food we will have to take issue…" began the Ethusian

"I take issue with you screwing us over," shouted Sheppard. "We have been negotiating with you for days and _now_ as we are about to make a trade do you have reservations and greedily ask for more." He took a step forward and jabbed the man in the chest.

"We will…"

"What will _you_ do? You know we have superior weaponry, you know you can't access Atlantis without a code, you have no ships-" said Sheppard, "Now me and my good friend here are going to walk out of here with your food and you are going to get nothing."

"Sir?"

"Ford? You gotta a problem with this?" he asked and with a look he knew that Ford was having reservations, "Help the others," he said with a nod of his head.

"We should at least uphold our end of the bargain," he started to say.

"It will be Ford," he said, "Now I repeat - help the others."

"Yes sir."

------------------------------------------

The gate activated and Doctor Weir walked over to Grodin to confirm the code. "Major Sheppard's IDC," said Grodin.

"Lower the shield," she said and waited for her team members to step through the gate.

A MALP dragging crates of food and what appeared to be crates of medicine agreed for the exchange came through first, followed by a rather sheepish looking Mckay and Teyla. Next Sheppard and Ford stepped through together, but though the others continued and men arrived to collect the crates Sheppard and Ford stood close to the gate and they appeared to be having a heated argument.

"Next time I tell you to do something Ford, you do it!" shouted Sheppard waving his hands in the air wildly, "Where in the hell did you learn such disrespect for your superiors?" he sniped.

"From you Sir," was the reply of Ford smiling and he continued to stand, his back straight.

"You think this is funny?" Sheppard was saying as Weir descended the steps, "You think this is all a joke?"

"Sir, you handled that situation back there poorly."

"Ford, we get screwed over _everywhere _we go and for once I thought we would get something for Atlantis," he unhooked his vest as he felt the pressure building in his chest again and an overwhelming tiredness threaten to send him to the ground. He rubbed his eyes, "I don't want to talk about this again Ford, You understand that order?"

Ford nodded, "Yes sir. As long as it never happens again."

"Get your ass out of here. Go polish your boots or something," he said rubbing his head in despair.

"Is there a problem here Major?" Weir asked as she walked over to him.

"Not anymore," he said going to walk away from her.

"Major, don't walk away from me when i'm talking to you."

He stopped, hung his head and then very slowly turned around. For the first time that day she noticed the black circles under his eyes.

"Do we have to do this now?" he asked indicating to all of the people who were stood around them and no doubt listening, "I'm tired."

"I want to know what the hell happened back there. For one you have not given our medical supplies to the Ethusians and you're having a bust up with Ford about it."

"The Ethusians didn't keep to their side of the bargain so I negotiated our own deal." He said waiting for a response.

"You made a decision like that without consulting me first," she said shaking her head, "And Ford?"

"That's a military matter," he said "You wouldn't understand."

Weir felt her mouth drop and she consciously had to make herself close it again. Sheppard was acting like a complete asshole and she couldn't understand why. Perhaps the strain of being a CO was having an effect on him.

He turned and began to walk away from her.

"Major I'm not finished," she shouted after him.

"I am," he said with a flick of his hand. "Im going to bed, i'll debrief you tomorrow", and with that he stomped up the stairs of the gateroom and towards his quarters.

"What the hell was that all about?" asked Weir stalking over to Ford and crossing her arms.

"Mam."

"Ford? If there is something you need to say I suggest you say it."

"There's something not quite right about him lately. He has a short fuse, has made some bad judgements and he was bordering on violent earlier with the Ethusians."

"That doesn't sound like Sheppard.

"No mam. I think maybe stress is a factor. He barely gets time off. He mentioned something about not sleeping."

"I'll get Beckett to take a look at him, but before I know what's up with him i'll assign all off world missions to you."

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Weir looked at her watch again and sighed, "Okay, so anything else on the agenda today?" she asked looked over at the door expectantly.

The morning debriefing session had started half an hour ago and everybody had arrived except the Major. Weir couldn't help but think that he was deliberately asserting his authority today by not turning up.

"Uh there's the issue of yesterdays mission," said Rodney raising his hand like a school boy in class.

"Ah that, yes," said Weir placing her palms flat on the table, "We should get in touch with the Ethusians, apologise and uphold our side of the bargain," she stated simply, "There's no point in making enemies, we have enough of those already."

"Ill lead a team out there later today," said Ford sitting straight in his chair

"What was wrong with the Major yesterday?" asked Weir

"Im not so sure," said Teyla, "He seemed on edge. Not like himself."

"Maybe he is stressed," said Ford glancing at Weir. "I mean he's had to deal with a lot since getting here. Maybe its become too much," he offered shrugging his shoulders.

"Well i-"

The doors swooshed open and Sheppard casually walked into the room and very slowly eased himself into one of the chairs, "Sorry i'm late" he apologised. "Had trouble waking up this morning."

Weir noted his appearance. He had cut on his chin for poor shaving, his hair was more unruly than usual and he looked tired as hell.

"We were discussing yesterday's mission," said Weir interlocking her hands.

"Oh the greedy Ethusians," yawned Sheppard.

"We keeping you up?" chimed in Rodney

"Shut up," said Sheppard rolling his eyes.

Weir cleared her throat, "Lt Ford is going to lead a team through the gate later on today to give the Ethusians their medical supplies."

Sheppard was quiet and unusually calm. He nodded but she could see his jaw clench.

"Is that okay with you?" asked Weir

He took in a deep breath, "Well you've obviously made your decision," he said "So what else can I say."

"Perhaps you could tell us why you had a bug up your ass yesterday," said Rodney

"Oh Rodney, bite me," sniped Sheppard

"Hey, you were the one with the problem. Correction. Still with the problem."

"My problems with you," said Sheppard standing up and slamming his hands down on the table.

Everyone was silent for the moment, until Weir finally stood up to join Sheppard, "Could you please excuse us?" she said glancing at Sheppard. His head was hung down and he was staring intently at the shiny table top.

"Gladly," said Rodney collecting together his files and shuffling out. Ford and Teyla followed behind in quick suit.

"Okay so they're gone. What's wrong?" asked Weir

"Nothing," said Sheppard, "Im just….i've not been sleeping very well."

"Your behaviour has been totally unacceptable over the past few days. You've been turning up late for missions and meetings, been rude and abrasive to members of your team and personnel around the base. You're disrespectful to authority."

"I'm always disrespectful to authority," he said smiling wryly.

" I've had numerous complaints Major."

"Well obviously everyone else has a problem," he said raising his head and shaking it, "Why the hell is Ford leading a team? He's not experienced enough. You don't trust me anymore, that it?"

"At the moment I don't believe you're fit to, no."

"Not fit, oh please."

"There's nothing wrong then?" said Weir. She waited a beat and then continued,"John, Something is wrong."

"I'm fine," he said standing straight suddenly, "What? i'm not allowed to be pissed off and tired."

"This isn't you," she said calmly

"None of you know me. I'm just not sleeping and everyone keeps asking me if im okay every few minutes," he paused. "Its winding me up. I can't even get sleeping tablets from Beckett without a full physical."

"This isn't about lack of sleep," she said. "And you don't get wound up. You're the most laid back person I know."

"Would you listen to yourself Elizabeth."

"That's Doctor Weir."

"Doctor Weir," he said emphasising every syllable, "Just leave me the hell alone."

"As you keep pointing out you're the commanding officer. You don't have the luxury of being left alone," she said "Just like I don't."

Sheppard ran both hands through his hair and shook his head, "I know all of this," he said pleading, "Look im going to lie down. This discussion isn't going anywhere." he said going to leave.

"Major I want you to report to the infirmary for a check over," she said

"What?" he said stopping dead

"There is something wrong with you Sheppard, you may not be able to see it but everyone else sure can and until you have yourself checked over you are grounded."

"What? You cant ground me," he said raising his hands, "And I'm not going to the infirmary. You'll have to force me to go."

"Then that's what i'll do," she said reaching for her radio, "Bates can you come in please, I need you to escort Major Sheppard up to the infirmary," she smiled sardonically, "There you happy now?"

Bates opened the door and walked in, flanked by two other officers. He walked over to Sheppard and grabbed at his arm.

"Bates, stand down," said Sheppard calmly, "You take orders from me remember."

"Not in the case where you're compromised," he said, enjoying every moment.

"I am not compromised," laughed Sheppard. "Oh this is great. You all think I'm crazy."

He laughed again and Bates tugged at his arm.

"Get the hell off," he said drawing back his arm, but Bates grabbed at him again, "Bates you touch me again, your two buddies there are going to be picking you up off the ground."

He could feel himself getting hot and flushed as the anger began to take over him. He also knew it wasn't in his genetic make up to feel so wound up but by now he was unable to stop himself.

"Major," warned Weir

"What?" he said turning around.

Bates grabbed at his arm again and this time he couldn't control the feeling he had in his gut. He bought his hand up and punched Bates in the face, his chin rocked back and blood sprayed to the floor. Sheppard shook his hand and had barely registered what was happening before the two pals of Bates had grabbed him and were slamming his face down on to the table. With his arms bent back upwards he swore, "Weir get them the hell off me," he shouted.

The two men holding him looked down at Sheppard and then back to Weir. Both were feeling extremely uncomfortable holding down their Superior Officer.

Sheppardstruggled against the arms holding him and shouted again, "Weir!"

Weir looked at Sheppard registering the panic in his eyes as he was restrained.

"Weir," he shouted again.

Finally, he went silent and rested his forehead on the table and closed his eyes. Being held against his will in this manner made him think back to Afghanistan, when he was held as a captive of war. It wasn't a time he liked to think back on and even now it commanded his heart to quicken and his palms to sweat.

He struggled one last time before he was hoisted up into a standing position and Weir ordered him to the infirmary.

-------------------------------------

Beckett was looking over the stock of medical supplies when he heard a commotion from outside. He turned and was shocked when Sheppard was being manhandled into the room. The two men with him pushed him into the room and then practically threw him onto one of the beds. Sheppard began to shuffle off the bed, but one of the men had a side arm out and he looked like he was ready to use it.

"What you gonna do with that?" asked Sheppard raising his hands up and sitting back on the bed. "Your name isAndrews isn't it?" he questioned, "Yeah Andrews, I'll remember that," he said with a look.

"What's going on here?" asked Beckett walking over to the bed.

"Seems I'm under moron arrest," said Sheppard shaking his head, "Weir ordered me up here to be tested. She thinks im crazy," he said.

Bates walked into the room, holding a bloody tissue up to his nose, "He's not to leave here," He said eyeing the Major up and down.

"Do you want me to take a look at that?" asked Beckett.

"No," said Bates, "It's fine."

"Who did that?" he asked looked over the room.

Sheppard smiled and bought his hand up in a little wave.

"Oh Major," said Beckett tutting, but smiling inwardly.

"He deserved it," said Sheppard crossing his arms.

Bates glared at him and sat himself on one of the beds opposite, "Don't think I will forget about this," he wheezed.

"Oh i'm sure you wont," said Sheppard, "You'll probably obsess over the fact for the next week or so," he mumbled.

"No wonder you were shipped off to Antarctica," sniped Bates.

"What did you just say?" said Sheppard sliding off the bed.

"Calm down Major." Said Beckett reaching for his pocket penlight.

"Don't tell me to calm down," said Sheppard taking a step forward, and then to Bates he said, "If you have something to say to me, I suggest you say it."

"You're reckless, stubborn and I heard you screwed up in Afghanistan," said Bates bringing the bloody tissue up to his nose.

"What would you know about that?" said Sheppard, hands on hips, trying to contain the anger he was feeling.

"I know that you follow orders. That you do as you are told so that you don't get people killed."

Sheppard nodded and then licked his lips. He looked off to the side and smiled. He launched himself forward and grabbed Bates by the throat and went to punch him in the face again, but this time three sets of hands were clawing him back.

"Don't you ever say that to me again," he said, his fingers reaching for Bates face and missing, "You have no idea what was going on there, were you even there Bates?" he swore and kicked his leg out. He suddenly felt a sharp sting on his hip and managing to twist away from their grasps turned to Beckett who was holding a syringe up.

"What did you do?" he asked lifting his t-shirt to look at the puncture mark.

Beckett apologised and Sheppard sank down to his knees feeling the sudden effects of the sedative, "You son of a bitch," he slurred before his eyes closed and he was pulled into the darkness.

-----------------------

"How is he?" asked Weir, when she entered the infirmary.

Beckett glanced around to look at the Major, who was dozing in his bed.

"I've given him a little something to calm him down. He was very aggressive when he came in earlier."

"Ah, I guess you saw Bates," said Weir nodding.

"In truth Doctor the Major seems highly agitated. His blood pressure was extremely high, his heart was racing, his pupils were dilated. I can't attribute these symptoms to lack of sleep," he said shaking his head."

"What do you suggest?"

"Keep him under observation for now, see how he fares tomorrow. If its stress related it could be psychological in which case, he will have to talk to Heightmeyer."

"He won't like that," said Weir raising an eyebrow.

"No he won't," said Beckett.

Weir approached Sheppard's bed and he opened his eyes to slits, sighed and then closed them shut again.

"I know you're awake" said Weir sitting down beside him.

He opened his eyes and stared at her, though his eyes didn't fully focus. Obviously he was under the effects of the drugs.

"So," she shrugged, "Theres nobody around now. You wanna tell me whats wrong with you?"

"Tired," he said

"Tired," repeated Weir.

He nodded. He grabbed the edge of the blanket, pulled it up to his chin and then turned away from her.

"Perhaps you've not been sleeping, because you haven't," said Weir placing a brown folder onto his arm. He grabbed at it and rolled over to face herbefore glancing down at it..

"What's this?" he asked before opening it up.

"Have a look," she said

"Look Doctor, Im not exactly feeling up to games at the moment. I feel barely functional after what Beckett gave me so…."

"Just look," said Weir

He opened the file and saw that it was the sign in sheet for visitations to the wraith they had held captive in one of the cells. The wraith that he had dubbed Steve.

"You have gone to see him every night for the past two weeks," said Weir, "Why?"

"No I haven't," slurred Sheppard. He shook his head to fight off the cotton wool feeling he had in his head.

"Yes you have," said Weir pointing to his signature on the page.

"I know what _that_ is," he said closing the file and placing it in his lap, "But _that_ is not me. Don't you think I would remember going and seeing-" he paused "Anybody could have forged that."

"I have four personnel who can confirm that you have been going down there, so unless you have a clone."

"Well that's what it is then," he stated, "I have a clone."

"Why are you lying about this?" she stated "What could you and him have been talking about?"

"I don't know because I wasn't down there."

"Fine," said Weir taking the file and standing up, "I will leave here until you are willing to be co-operative and tell me what is going on with you."

"Fine," mimicked Sheppard, "But you think theres something wrong with me? Youre the mind reader, why don't you tell me?" he stated.

"Can't you see that youre behaving out of character."

Sheppard crossed his arms and closed him eyes.

"Sheppard!" she stated.

He continued to close his eyes and didn't open them until she had gone.

-------------------------------

Sheppard opened his eyes; he must have drifted off because he couldn't remember having consciously gone to sleep. Either that or Beckett had slipped him something.

He was surprised when he moved his wrists to find that he wasn't restrained and scanned the room for any life.

An Officer was in the bed beside him, he was bought in earlier with some kind of food poisoning. Other than that all was quiet.

Pushing the bed covers aside he hopped off the bed and padded barefoot across the floor to his cloths. He changed quickly and as he pulled on his boots he thought he heard people outside in the corridor. He stopped dead still, breathed in and out in short increments and waited till they had gone. Then he pulled on his vest and put its gun back in its holster and escaped his Alcatraz.

"Major?" The Sergeant at the door nodded and straightened his back.

"Why don't you go and get yourself a coffee. I'll stand watch," said Sheppard tapping the man on the back.

He looked his superior up and down and then said, "I thought you were in the infirmary."

"They released me," said Sheppard. He waited and then said, "I'm sure I don't have to tell you twice," And then he practically pushed the young man out of the room.

When he was sure that he was alone he walked up to the cage where the Wraith was sitting cross legged and leant against the bars.

"Hey," he said loudly, "You up?" he asked

The wraith looked up very slowly and a smile curled his lips, "Ah Major Sheppard."

It stood, brushed down its long cloak and walked over to him, "You came back."

"I didn't know I was coming down here in the first place. Is that…true? Have I been here every night?" asked Sheppard.

The wraith smiled, "Yes, every night. At first you didn't, but it turns out your more susceptible to mind games than I thought."

Sheppard let out a short burst of laughter and shifted on his feet nervously. "Yeah right Steve," he said emphasising the name.

"And tonight is the night."

"For what?"

"That you let me go," stated the wraith simply.

Another short laugh and Sheppard wrapped his fingers around the bars. "You're deluded."

The wraith walked over the bars, his face inches from the majors and he surveyed the room, "If im deluded Major, then what does that make you."

Sheppard found himself staring into the Wraiths eyes, not being able to pull his gaze away, not being able to shake the feeling that something was going to happen. He shook his head but it felt clouded. He couldn't think straight, couldn't remember why he had come down here.

He felt himself stumble to the ground, could feel the ground shake beneath him and he squeezed his eyes shut. _When he opened them he was at the helm of a helicopter, he looked around and felt the heaviness of his helmet and the intrusiveness of the large microphone by his mouth. It was hot, he was sweating profusely, his palms felt slick against the controls as he pulled the helicopter up to gain altitude. He realised with a sickening twist of his gut that he was in Afghanistan._

"_Major! Major!" the voice on the other end of his radio sounded angry and familiar and Sheppard stuttered as he answered, "Yes sir?"_

"_That was a direct order, now you turn your ass around now and you get back here, so help me you'll never fly again by the time im finished with you, let alone walk"_

_Aggravated by the shouting, he tore off his microphone and concentrated with the job at hand, saving his men trapped behind enemy lines. A rocket flew past his windshield and exploded in the distance and bullets ricocheted off the underside of his helicopter. As he flew over the lines of his adversaries all ordinance seemed to be targeted at him._

"Weir, Doctor Weir."

"What is it Lt?" asked Weir reaching for the light and scrambling out of bed. She pulled on her night robe and listened as Ford began to inform her of the situation. "You what?"

"Major Sheppard has released the Wraith and is heading towards the gateroom. He's knocked several civilians unconscious. Some of the officers tried to engage him but he's been unresponsive."

"Okay i'm on my way."

_The Helicopter was going down and he managed to unbuckle his seatbelt and jump and roll far enough before it exploded in the brush behind him. Debris rained on his back and he felt the searing pain as a piece of metal tore through his clothes and scored open his skin. The white hot sensation forced adrenaline through his veins and pulling out his 9mil he began to make his way to the hut where his team mates had been captured. As he ran stealthily towards his objective he was confronted by anAfghan and he engaged him in arm to arm combat. _Sheppard punched the Officer in the face and then when he was going down kicked him in the stomach.

"Sir!" shouted Ford from behind him. He had been following but had not been able to do anything. The wraith were not to be approached and here Sheppard was leading him through the base, seemingly voluntarily. "Sir!" he shouted again but Sheppard had a glazed look and didn't acknowledge him. _TheAfghan went down and Sheppard moved on, he could feel the blood running down his back. It hurt like hell but he had to find his team mates they were here, close, he could save them._

_He approached the hut and looked through a slit in one of the boards. Dex and Mitchell were tied up, sat on chairs. Their faces were beaten, but both sat with their backs straight unwavering, unmoving._

As Sheppard ran into the gateroom, several personnel had their weapons out but they weren't going to shoot without an order and at this point in time nobody was going to order that directive. Ford took up a position at the base of the stairs with a company of men and ordered them to spread. Weir had managed to get a place on the balcony, far away so not to be in danger, but close enough so she could see what was happening with one of her best men.

Rodney was in the control room, he had been working on some simulations and when he saw the Major come in, gun raised with the wraith, of all things, he had been-well shocked was an understatement.

The wraith walked over to the dhd and tried to activate the gate. Nothing happened and frustrated he let out an angry roar. He grabbed the Major by his arm, who seemed deeply immersed somewhere else and forced one of his hands down on to the pads to dial address.

"Stop," ordered Ford holding his gun high.

The wraith grabbed one of the personnel who was stood nearest him and placed his hand over his heart. He pushed him down towards the gate as the chevrons encoded and Sheppard followed, still his eyes looking around wildly.

_Sheppard ran into the hut, he had kicked down the door and had fired at everything which had moved, one of the bullets had struck Dex in the leg and he valiantly took on the chin. He was about to untie them when he felt a sharp kick to the back of his knee and he sank to the ground. Someone grabbed a chunk of his hair and wrenched his head up to look at his friends, "For your insubordination, your American pigs die," he said spitting into Sheppard's ear as he rasped the words._

"_Nooo," shouted Shepard_

"Noo," shouted Sheppard in the gateroom all of a sudden as he descended the steps and he instantly went down onto one knee, his weapon pointing at an unseen assailant.

Weir depressed her radio and said "The major is seeing things."

Ford answered quickly, "Wraith mind games?" he questioned.

Sheppard sprang to his feet and ran down the steps to the gate pushing the wraith, "We can get out of here still, Dex no…shit," he swore.

_Sheppard tried to overt his gaze but whoever was grabbing him held his head in a vice like grip and forced him to watch as his friend put two bullets in his friends head. He felt blood spray his face and he fought an internal battle not cry or to throw up. A swift kick to his stomach made him instinctively curl up into a ball. He was dragged onto his feet, forced to another chair beside his friends and his hands were bound tightly behind his back. A sharp pain at the back of his head and he felt his chin touch his chest and the darkness overcame him._

The wraith smashed Sheppard across the chin and his head snapped backwards. As he was about to fall the wraith grabbed him by the back of his vest and held him up as if he weighed nothing. Blood was dripping from his chin and onto the floor. He walked over to the gate, still holding the other personnel hostage and pushed Sheppard through the gate. He then put his hand on the young mans chest and drained the life out of him before himself stepping through the blue puddle to join Sheppard on the other side.

The gate shut down with a resounding swoosh and silence overcame the room.

"Uh Doctor Weir permission to send a team through the gate in pursuit."

"That's a negative Ford, we need all the intel we can on this," said Weir "I want everyone in the debriefing room now," she stated as a medical team approached the body by the gate.

---------------------------------

"Doctor we have to send a team through now, the more time we waste-"

"Ford, I know the severity of the situation thank you, but i'm not just going to send you through without knowing what the hell is going on," she said pacing back and forth.

"Well its obvious isn't it" said Sergeant Bates from his chair.

"Oh what is obvious?" said Rodney who was drumming his fingers on the table nervously

"Major Sheppard is our spy," he said smugly

"Pardon," said Rodney smiling, "You have got to be kidding me."

"Think about it. Sheppard was on every mission where the Wraith were-"

"So was I. that meanI was a spy?" said Rodney interjecting

"He was the one who awakened the wraith," he said emphasising the word awakened, "He shot colonel Sumner and is suddenly the authority figure around here, and now he has released a wraith."

"Oh my God," said Rodney laughing, "You are kidding, this is a joke."

Weir looked silent.

Rodney stood up, "You don't believe this?"

She shook her head, "I uh I don't know," she said "This is all very confusing."

"Sheppard was obviously under duress, did you see him just then, he wasn't in the room, he was off in la la land," shouted Mckay and he turned his head as the door swooshed open and Beckett ran in.

"Sorry im late," he said sitting down "I had to clear up after Major Sheppard's spree," and turned to everyone, "Have I missed anything?"

"Oh just Bates accusing Sheppard being the spy."

Beckett raised an eyebrow and looked over to Weir to question whether they were serious.

"What's the situation with causalities?" asked Weir rubbing a hand over her face.

"Six injured, not badly, one guy is still unconscious," he paused, "Just cuts and bruises, nothing lasting." He shifted in his seat, "You can't seriously be considering Sheppard is a spy?"

"No," said Weir with a solomn shake of her head.

"When Major Sheppard was on the steps he said something about Dex," said Ford quietly, "Wasn't that one of the sergeants he tried to save in Afghanistanan?"

Weir nodded, "I see your well versed in his file," she said.

"I think he was hallucinating," said Beckett suddenly, "We already know that the wraith are capable of making you see what they want you to see. They can project images of themselves to distract and we've yet to explore the real depth of their powers. It would certainly explain the Majors behaviour over the past few weeks," he said trying to be helpful.

"He's been violent," said Bates, "Are you just going to stand for that kind of behaviour?"

"As I said," said Becket giving him a glare "The Major could have killed all of the people he took down earlier, he's trained to do so."

"Plus he was only really violent with Bates," said Rodney

"Hey," said Bates defensively.

Weir held her hands up, "Please stop, " and she stopped dead for a moment, trying to coordinate her thoughts, "OK, here's what we do. We send through aMALP and check that this planet is habitable and that there is no sign of wraith activity. If it is safe, we send through a small team to survey the area."

------------------------------

Sheppard opened his eyes and his immediate thoughts were of Dex and Mitchell and where they were. He remembered them dying, he remembered it well. But he also knew that that was years ago, not here or now.

He had the strange sensation that he was moving and he was staring up at the sky.  
He realised that he was being dragged along the ground by the scruff of his vest. His back felt sore and when he bought up a hand he could see gravel imbedded in his torn and bleeding skin. He felt for his weapon but couldn't find it. The movement stopped and he was dropped unceremoniously to the floor. His head connected with the ground and he cursed. The face above him was a wraith and he rolled over onto his front, pushed himself up and took a step backwards, "What the-" he began.

"You are awake," said the wraith smiling.

"Yes," said Sheppard glancing around him, trying to get a feel for where he was. "What happened?" he asked instinctively bringing a hand up to his heart and resting his hand there.

"You don't remember?"

"I remember what I saw," he said taking another step backwards, "But now I…how did I get here?"

"We came through the gate, you will follow me," he said beginning to turn.

Sheppard quickly scanned left and right felt over his vest pockets for something he could use. Nothing.

A fight or flight instinct came over him an suddenly feeling a surge of adrenaline he decided he wasn't going to stand around waiting for the life to be sucked out of him. He turned and heading for an area of cover in a forest ran as fast as he could. His legs were pumping as hard as they could and he felt as if his lungs were going to explode as he fought to get oxygen. He could hear the wraith behind him getting closer and he jumped a fallen log. Dodging a tree he ran down a steep incline and jumped another log. His foot caught on the underside and he fell, using his hands he slid to a stop and pulled himself back up. As he turned he felt the hand at his chest and prepared to have the life sucked out of him, but instead the hand at his chest hit him with force and he sailed backwards, landing on the ground with a hard thud. He coughed and tried to breath but the wind had been knocked out of him.

He sat up and coughed again.

"Steve," he said rasping, "I can do this all day," and he shakily got to his feet and weaved over to a tree.

Steve was standing next to him now and was gripping his shoulder, "Do not….do that again," he whispered into his ear.

"I don't understand," said Sheppard pulling away from him, "Why your keeping me alive."

"You are…useful," said Steve taking a step forward.

Sheppard bought a hand up and wiped away the blood on his chin, "Useful?"

"You have the gene, you have information," he smiled, "You are too good to die so quickly."

"So you want to torture me?" said Sheppard reaching down and picking up a large stick. "You must know that I would never allow you to do that" He ran forward and tried to hit Steve over the back, but it was blocked and the stick snapped.

"Why do you continue to fight?" said Steve grabbing the Major by the throat.

"Because," rasped Sheppard as he fought for air, "I aint giving you jack."

Steve dropped him and he sank to the floor.

"I'd die before I told you anything," he said without looking up.

"You'll die after you have told me everything," corrected Steve, "And when I do kill you, it will be slow and painful."

"Oh you mean like listening to you talk."

Steve sneered, "You do not hide your fear well."

"Who said im scared?" said Sheppard trying to regain some control

"You're heart rate says it all."

"That's because ive just been running," said Sheppard, "Im not scared."

"You will be," said Steve and he kicked Sheppard in the face.

-------------------------

Sheppard had awoken to find himself in a ship, a wraith ship, though he was pretty sure it wasn't large enough to sustain more than one wraith life form. He was behind a shield, much like Atlantis' own version. His nose was bleeding and it wouldn't stop so he had just left it and had been watching the blood pool on the floor for about ten minutes when Steve decided to make an appearance.

"Nice set up you have here," said Sheppard sniffing. He could taste blood in the back of his throat.

"I have sent a distress signal to the rest of my species, a ship will be here within the day," he smiled.

"Good for you," said Sheppard standing.

The shield flickered, "Seems like this ship doesn't have much juice to run on," he said indicating the shield.

"Enough," said Steve

"Enough," mimicked Sheppard, "Well im not telling you anything," he paused.

"I have injected you with a compound," said Steve smiling.

"What?" Sheppard rolled up his t shirt on the one side and could see the bloody mark left by a needle, "What have you done?"

"You will be telling me all about Atlantis once it begins to flow through your system."

"You think this will make me talk, think again, ive been trained for this kind of situation," he shouted as Steve left the room, "Shit," he swore and sat back down to watch his nose drip.

-----------------------------------

"Okay Ford everything looks clear on the other side. I want you to go through, see if you can find the Major, but I want you back by nightfall," said Weir as the gate lit up.

"Yes mam."

"Good luck Ford."

------------------------------------

Sheppard rubbed at his temples and tried to massage the headache out of his throbbing head. The sickness had begun an hour ago when he could feel the drug the wraith had given him start to surge through his veins. It began like a kind of heat which spread from his extremities inward. It was all he could do to stop himself from being sick, he had dry wretched for about five minutes and then had fallen onto the floor. He had been lying on his back now since then, rubbing at his head with his hands, but he could feel himself weakening.

He barely heard Steve come into the cell alongside him, he had a vague awareness of somebody sat next to him and then a prick in his wrist.

"What are you-" he began to ask but the words died in his throat. He couldn't move, couldn't find the strength to push himself up.

"What am I doing?" asked Steve, "I'm taking samples," he stated and Sheppard felt another prick in his forearm.

"Get thehelloff me," Sheppard slurred.

"I was a scientist on my world," said Steve, "You will prove useful."

Sheppard tried to turn his head but the effort of it made him feel dizzy.

"How long have your people been at Atlantis?" asked Steve

"Im not telling…..you," spat Sheppard.

"How long?" repeated the Wraith.

Sheppard sucked in his breath and let it out in an uncontrolled manner, "No!" he shouted shaking.

"How….long?"

"M..m.months," strained Sheppard and she shook his head, "Fuck..you," he spat.

"How does your gene work? Is it…thought?" he questioned, "Touch," he picked up Sheppard's hand and examined it. There was another feeling of pressure as he took another sample.

"Its…ah……….fuck…….,"shouted Sheppard and he purposefully began to sing as loud as he could, any song he could think of to dim out the questions. He settled on row row your boat.

"You think this will help?"

"Row row row your boat, gently down the stream – I think it might make it difficult for you yes – merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream!" continued Sheppard.

He felt a hand at his throat and Steve was staring down at him, "When my fleet arrive, we will be going to Atlantis," he said coldly, "And I will kill all of your kind," he released his grip and Sheppard eyes him for a moment before continuing to sing, "Major Sheppard, what planet do you originate from?"

"_Where is your company hiding?" asked the Afghan._

_John couldn't even conceive of answering the question, his eyes were focused on the his team mates who were being pulled out of the chairs beside him and onto the floor. One of the other Afghans laughed and kicked his Dex in his stomach._

"_You piece of shit," he swore and tried to free himself from his restraints. A hand caught him across the face and pulled his attention back to the questions at hand._

"_Do you have no respect," he shouted, "Cant you understand honouring the dead," and he spat at the man before him._

_A kick to his kneecap made him bite down on his lip and he felt blood drip down his chin._

"_Where are the rest of your company?" asked the man._

_Sheppard sat still, eyes focused on a far point in the room and refused to cooperate. No matter how many times he was punched and kicked he wouldn't reveal any information._

_He didn't even flinch when the man before him withdrew a knife and scored it along his leg. It had hurt, the pain had been unbearable but he had breathed heavily and kept his expression as stoic as possible._

"_I will ask you again the whereabouts of the rest of your men."_

"Row row row your boat gently down the stream," Two strong hands grabbing him under his arms and pulling him up onto his feet finally stopped him singing and he swayed as the hands were released. He dropped back down onto his ass with a heavy thud and stopped himself from tipping over at the last moment.

"How long?" he slurred.

"Too long," said Steve pacing back and forth.

Sheppard looked up, blinked against the light and sighed heavily, "You wont get what you want from me. You will have to kill me," he stated.

"I know," said Steve crouching in front of him, "But then I could do far worse to you than that" He reached out his hand and ripped open Sheppard's vest and placed his hand on his chest, over his heart. "I could suck the life from you," he said thoughtfully, "Or I could turn you into one of us," he smiled at that thought.

Sheppard grabbed at his hand and pulled it away from him, only to be met by a hand around his throat again.

"What planet are you from?" he asked.

Sheppard could feel himself losing control, his mind was already on the subject his mouth beginning to form the words to answer, "Ear…..No," he breathed out. His head hurt from having to mentally restrain himself, "This wont…work," he choked as Steve closed his hand tighter.

"You're weakening," he stated.

"Im getting stronger," rasped Sheppard.

Steve released his hold and Sheppard immediately bought his hand up to bruised throat and rubbed at it, "I can control what I think, what I say," said Sheppard calmy, "You ever heard of lie detector machines?" he paused when he received a puzzled look, "Didn't think so," He pushed himself into a standing position, "So anyway, I can beat them," he smiled and laughed.

Steve took a step towards him, "You should rest," he said, "Its going to be a –" He was interrupted by a beeping sound. It was constant and the shield surrounding the cell was fluctuating again. He walked away from Sheppard and went to the cell door.

"You're losing power," said Sheppard smiling still rubbing at his neck.

Steve seemed worried, "Im losing patience," he said walking over to him.

Sheppard's radio crackled and suddenly Fords voice could be heard loud and clear over his radio. Sheppard was shocked, he hadn't even realised he had had the damn thing on him all this time, but to hear Fords voice. It meant they were on the planet searching for him. He went to speak, but the radio was ripped from his vest pocket and out of his ear.

Steve threw it against the wall and it broke into tiny pieces, "Hey," shouted Sheppard.

Steve angry, hit Sheppard across the face and sent him to the ground.

Spitting out blood Sheppard remained kneeling.

"My kind will cull your world. There will be no escaping the pain we inflict upon you," he said.

"Right back at you," spat Sheppard.

The shield finally failed and the ship was plunged into darkness, "Oh now you definitely have no power," he said into the black.

"How very perceptive of you Major," said Steve and in the darkness Sheppard could hear the clink of metal.

Suddenly, strong hands grasped around his wrists and something snapped around them, binding them like handcuffs. Only, these were alien cuffs so he would probably be stuck with them for the rest of his days.

Sheppard decided this was the moment he should make his exit. He bought his hands up together and used the heaviness in the cuffs to smack Steve across the face. When he was sure that Steve had stumbled back far enough he ran across the room to where he had seen a door. A wraith stun blast hit the wall beside him and he ducked just in time to be showered by blue sparks. Another shot in the darkness and this shot struck the door and illuminated it like a Christmas tree.

"Major!" shouted the Wraith as John managed to get through, avoiding a third blast.

He ran down the long corridor, his boots clunking on the metal of the hull and propelled himself around a corner. He saw light up ahead and ran towards it with every breathe he could take. He cursed when he realised he was in the cockpit and that there was no way out. He could hear the footsteps behind him and closed the door.

"Shit, Shit," he swore again and picked up the heaviest object he could find and threw it at the window up front. It cracked but didn't shatter and he tried again. The crack in the glass grew bigger but it still did not budge.

The door slid open and Steve ran through the door, he fired his stun weapon again, and missed. Sheppard stood still, lifted his arms into the air and shook his head, "Okay okay," he said.

Steve began to walk towards him but he picked up a piece of metal from the crashed ship and swung it at him. He ducked and pushed Sheppard back, dropping the stun weapon but almost simultaneously reaching around to his back and pulling out the Majors 9 mil.

"Looking for this?" said Steve waving it around.

Sheppard took a step back and Steve awkwardly fit his hands onto the trigger and fired.

Sheppard managed to avoid the shot but it hit the glass behind him and shattered, "Uh thanks," he said indicating to the window and dived down to the floor to pick up the wraith stun gun. It was awkward with his hands together but he managed to fire off a shot and Steve cried out and sank down to the ground.

He was still but Sheppard gave him a secondary blast just to be certain. He plucked his 9mil out of his wrinkly hands and then climbed up the console to exit from the broken window.

----------------------------------------

"Is it even conceivable that the Major is alive?" asked Rodney holding the scanner out at arms length.

"Don't say things like that," warned Ford holding his P90 out in front of him.

"The Major has shown himself to be…resilient," said Teyla catching Rodneys eye.

"Woah," said Rodney grabbing at Fords arm, "Wait, something is coming towards us…fast,"

"Which direction?" asked Ford looking up ahead and seeing nothing.,

"Right in front of us," said Rodney getting his own weapon out and holding it steady.

--------------------------

Sheppard weaved in and out of the trees, stumbling, going down to his knees and then pushing himself up for a further short lived sprint. He breathed in and out heavily, everything sounded muted against the dim noise in his head, in his ears.

The light was blinding when he came out from the cover of the trees and went down to his knees again, pulling out his weapon and aiming it blindly.

-----------------------------------------------

Ford crouched down and aimed his weapon at the Major. He was pointing his gun right at them and seemed to have no intention of dropping it.

"Sir, drop the weapon. Its us" shouted Ford.

--------------------------------

Sheppard was not moving, his gun was still raised, his eyes unfocused.

_Sheppard had managed to get out of the hut, had managed to kill theAfghans in the room. God knows how, but theU.S army had managed to send in a team, a distraction, just enough time for him to get out. _

_A soldier, foreign, dressed in sandy coloured combats stood in front of him and ordered him to stop. He didn't even listen to what the man said next, he knew he was an enemy and fired a shot at him._

_--------------------------_

Ford dove to the ground as Sheppard fired off a shot and turned reached out for Rodneys handgun.

"What are you doing?" hissed Rodney.

"Im going to end this," said Ford and he aimed and fired at the Majors leg.

Blood sprayed out as he dropped like a heavy weight, Ford ordered the others to stay back as he approached his friend and kicked away the handgun in his hand.

"Sir, can you hear me?" he said grabbing Sheppard by his head and turning his face to look at him.

Though his eyes were wildly unfocused he did blink and registered Fords presence.

"Ford," he rasped.

"Sir, yes its me. We've come to take you back to Atlantis."

"I don't know how much I told him," he said talking fast, pushing himself up, "Damn it Ford," he said and looked up at him. His eyes unexpectedly looking right at him, his attention suddenly back as it should be.

"Im sorry," said Ford looking at he Majors leg. It was bleeding but it didn't look too bad.

"Im sorry _sir,_" said Sheppard trying to stem the blood.

"Sorry," said Ford helping him up to his feet.

"Im sorry _sir_, Lt," he said and sucked in his breath.

They walked, or rather hobbled over to Teyla and Rodney.

"Uh Sheppard," said Rodney cautiously.

"Hey," said Sheppard

"You okay?" he asked

"I was," said Sheppard panting, "I was getting the hell away from that wraith," he said, "And then I was shot," he paused. "Was that really necessary Ford?"

"Yes sir it was."

"Doesn't feel necessary," he said.

"Where's……" began Rodney.

"The wraith," said Sheppard. "I managed to escape and stun him. He should be out for a while but I suggest we keep moving."

"Sir what the hell happened before?" asked Ford as they began to walk on slowly.

"With what?" asked Sheppard turning to him.

"Oh you know the part where you ramboed through the base, beating the crap out of anyone who got in your way. That part," said Rodney helpfully.

"What?" said Sheppard turning on his heel suddenly. "What are you talking about?"

"We believe you were under the influence of the wraith," said Teyla, "You were aggressive and-"

"And what?"

"You injured a lot of people," said Ford hanging his head.

Sheppard put his hands on his hips and said, "I don't have time for this. Don't you think I would remember doing that," he said "look lets keep moving, find somewhere I can clean up this leg. How far is it to the gate?"

"Not far," said Ford awkwardly, knowing the major did not want to talk about what had happened.

"Then I suggest we keep moving.".

----------------------------------

Sheppard dropped down to his knees next to the stream and threw a look back at his team. They had been treating him strangely since they had found him and shot him. He looked at Ford. He knew he must be acting strange, he could still feel the crap that wraith had given him surging through his veins, but he managed to keep it under the surface. He had been trained to deal with the mind and even under the influence of toxins divert away from telling the truth.

He pulled his t shirt over his head as far as he could with the cuffs and washed his face and arms in the cool water. It felt good to get the grime and dirt and blood off his face. He looked at the needle marks in his skin and shuddered. He could remember them being taken being taken but for what purpose. He would have to go back, get those samples. He reached down to the water and cupped some in his hands to drink.

_The water they forced him to drink was dirty and stinking and he could see a cockroach doing breaststroke on the top._ He spat out the water and closed his eyes, trying to regain some control. "Major, you okay?" asked Rodney from behind him.

He turned his head slowly and looked up at the man stood over him, "Im fine," he said picking up his t shirt drying his face off with it and then pulling it on over his head. "We need to look at your leg," he said gesturing down.

"Yeah, yeah but first things first," he said looking at him strangely, "Get out that hand gun," he said.

Rodney fumbled with the holster and managed to wrestle it out, and then stared at it and shrugged, "What now?"

"Now," said Sheppard stretching his hands out and pointing his head at his cuffs said, "Now you shoot that off."

"What!" gasped Rodney, "Are you crazy?"

"Apparently," said Sheppard raising his eyebrows, "Looks just aim for the middle bit, it'll break apart no problem," he looked up at Rodney, "Trust me."

"You sure Ford wouldn't be better at this?"

"A child could do this," said Sheppard turning his head away and offering out his hands, "Come on just do it."

Rodney aimed the gun and cocked it, but paused hesitantly, "What about..uh ricochet? Am I going to get bullet or a bit of metal in my eye?"

Sheppard turned to him and shook his head, "No," he said, "There might be a bit of a spark, that's it," and he turned away again.

"Okay," said Rodney, "One, two…"

Sheppard swayed a bit and moved his hands, he fell forward and stopped himself before his face hit the mud. Sitting back up again he looked at Rodney and gave him a weak smile, "Sorry."

"What the hell…..i could have shot your arms off."

"At least the cuffs would slip off!" said Sheppard, "Look its just a bit of dizziness, just shoot the damn chain."

Rodney shrugged, aimed and fired. There was a spark and the sound of metal clinking and Sheppard managed to separate his hands, "There you go, now that wasn't so hard, was it?"

Rodney had paled significantly, "You're leg," he said.

Sheppard extended it and winced, "Yeah sure," he said and Rodney helped him limp over to a rock and sit down.

Ford had arranged various medical supplies out near him and instructed him to drop his pants.

"What?" he said rubbing at his head.

"I cant clean the wound it I cant get to it. Now just drop um," he said smiling.

"I..uh……."

Teyla smiled and said, "I will turn around if you are embarrassed."

"Im not…embarrassed," he said and unbuckled his belt and stopped just before dropping them, "You have to understand," he said feeling very weary all of a sudden, "Is that... well... its laundry day," and then shaking his head he pulled them down.

"Mickey mouse," said Rodney nodding, "Very nice Major."

"I told you," he grumbled. "Its laundry day," and he crossed his arms, "Just hurry it up Ford, we need to keep moving."

Ford looked over his leg and said, "It looks like a skimmed it rather than penetrated."

Sheppard looked down and was relieved to see that the wound was not as bad as it had seemed. The bullet had grazed the side of his leg and took a hell of a lot of skin with it, but it had not entered his leg. As Ford checked the wound he noticed a large scar across the top of his leg, it was old but looked like it had been a nasty gash in its time.

Sheppard noticed him staring and said, "Skateboard accident," he said covering quickly.

Ford quickly cleaned it up and bandaged it and Sheppard gratefully pulled up his trousers.

"We ready to go," he asked, but suddenly felt very light headed. He held his hand up and leant against the rock.

"You're not fine," said Rodney touching his shoulder.

"That wraith," he panted, "Gave me something to make me talk," he closed his eyes against a wave of nausea, "I don't think it worked. It either didn't work on me or….i don't know what, but its making me feel like crap," he swallowed a lump in his throat and could taste the bile.

"Just rest a minute," said Teyla, "We cannot continue if you are sick."

"Im not sick," said Sheppard, "I just need……." He sat on the rock, "I think I have a fever," he said giving up, "Feel dizzy," and he bought his head down between his legs and held them there breathing heavily. "How many people did I hurt?" he asked his voice muffled.

Rodney, teyla and Ford all looked at each other. "Uh not many," said Rodney trying to lessen the blow.

"Ah thank god, I thought by the way you were talking I had killed someone," he said breathing a sigh of relief.

"Well, someone did die," said Telya

"Wh-" Sheppard bought his head up, his eyes were teary, his face red.

"The wraith, he killed a sergeant," said Ford resting his hands on his P90, "You weren't there."

"Where was I?"

"You had gone through the gate," said Ford.

Rodney sat beside Sheppard and put a hand on his shoulder, "You were out of it, crazy really" he offered, but Sheppard looked at him like a broken man. He bought his head down between his legs again and this time vomited.

---------------------------

"The gate looks clear," said Sheppard looking through binoculars.

"You sure?" asked Rodney nervously.

Sheppard turned to him and raised an eyebrow, "Look, its clear. Take a look for yourself," he said.

Rodney had a look and satisfied nodded, "Okay its clear."

"That's what I just said, said Sheppard exasperated.

"I say we make a straight beeline for the gate Sir," suggested Ford.

"We'd be too exposed, out in the open like that," said Sheppard scanning the scenery, "I say we circle round, keep just within the tree line."

"We should go straight for the gate," said Teyla pushing her hair behind her ears.

"That's ridiculous," said Sheppard, "We would be easy targets. What's going on here?"

"There is no conspiracy sir, we just want to get to that gate and the fastest way is fromA to B," said Ford.

"Rodney, you agree with them?"

"I agree with the way that doesn't get me killed," he said helpfully.

"Well then that's my way," said Sheppard preparing to get up.

"Sir, Weir made it clear that when we found you, you were to follow my orders."

"Oh she did she?"

"Yes."

"Fine, okay Ford you have the spotlight. Im sure you'll make the right decision for the benefit of this team."

"I will sir," said Ford and he instructed them all to set off towards the gate.

Sheppard pushed Rodney ahead of him and breathed in heavily, "Come on," he said shouting, "Keep moving."

"I am," shouted Rodney nearly loosing his footing.

They were only a few yards from the gate when it began to activate and they all stuttered to a stop, "What the hells going on?" shouted Sheppard over the roar of the gate.

"Maybe Weir is sending through reinforcements" shouted Teyla her hand going up to her eyes to shield them from the debris being kicked up by the wind.

The gate swooshed and a wraith dart flew through, whirring as it carved out space in the sky.

"I don't think so," said Rodney and they ran over to ruins jutting out near the gate. The dhd was just in reach but with the dart overhead it was going to be difficult making a run for it.

"Now what?" asked Sheppard looking at Ford for direction. "You're making the orders today. What do we do?" he asked sardonically.

Ford looked flustered but carried on regardless, "We need someone to run for the gate and provide cover."

"Sounds like a suicide run," shouted Rodney, "So Sheppard you up for it?"

"Not the time for jokes," shouted Sheppard, "Ford give me a weapon. I'll provide some of that cover,"

Ford looked at his open palm as if he had leprosy and didn't move, "Ford! Give me a weapon."

"Sir!"

"Ford" Sheppard warned, "I'm okay," he assured him.

Ford reluctantly handed him his 9mil. Rodney shared a brief look with Teyla who was busy following the path of the wraith dart, "I do not think it has seen us. When it dips behind those trees we must make a run for the dialling device."

"Its going to collect Steve," shouted Sheppard, "It will double back this way," he said looking skyward.

Rodney took a deep breath, "Okay I will do it," he said getting ready to set off,

They watched the dart disappear and then Ford clapped Rodney on the back "Keep low to the ground" he shouted and then "Go!"

Rodney took off and the others watched from their position.

The sky was clear and he managed to encode the address.

The gate started going through the motions and Sheppard pushed Ford to stand, "Okay, go come on," he said and him and Teyla began to run towards the gate.

Ford activated his idc and shouted into his radio, "Weir, we need you to lower the shield we're coming in hot," he said.

"Have you got the Major?" she asked

"That's affirmative," he shouted.

-----------------

Sheppard scanned the sky one last time and then turned back to the gate.

Sheppard was about to set off towards them when he felt a hand grab him and throw him to the ground.

From his back he looked up "Steve," he shouted over the roar of the gate.

"Major Sheppard," said the wraith stepping towards him.

"Sir we need to go through the gate!" said Ford and he turned to see the wraith standing over Sheppard.

He pulled out his gun and fired and the wraith went down momentarily. It gave John the chance to scramble to his feet and begin to run towards the gate, "Go Go!" he shouted, "Go through, i'm coming," shouted Sheppard as the wraith dart suddenly came into view and started firing on them.

Ford waited by the event horizon and fired off another couple of shots, but he reluctantly stepped through along with the others as the wraith dart fired a shot and near missed him. Sheppard dove for cover and pulled his hands over his head as mud splattered him from the blast. He rose up and continued forward, all the time throwing back looks over his shoulder. When he got to the gate the blast had kicked up dirt and dust, and the ground smoked. He stopped before he stepped through and tried to pick out Steve. He couldn't see and it was too late when he realised that Steve was running straight for him. Steve pushed him into the outer circle of the gate and his back connected with the hard surface. "That your species to the rescue?" he cried out, and kicked Steve away from him.

"Major Sheppard, you are persistent but ultimately you will fail," shouted Steve and he ran at him.

"No you will," shouted Sheppard and managed to grab Steve and use the forward momentum to propel them through the gate.

---------------------------

Ford, Teyla and Rodney ran out of the gate and Ford instantly turned and raised his weapon, seconds later one of the wraiths dart weapon blasts came through the gate and hit the opposite side of the room. The room was silent as major Sheppard and a wraith fell through the gate. Sheppard stood up and used the flat of his palm to smash it into the wraiths nose. He stumbled back, but grabbed hold of Sheppards vest and tugged him with him.

"Why aren't you firing at it!" shouted Rodney, from the sidelines.

Ford was looking down his P90 sight, but with the Major in the way there was no way he could fire and confidently say he would only kill one of them.

The wraith bought his hand up, but Sheppard managed to snap back his wrist. Sheppard pulled his gun from his waistband and held it out in front of him. He was just about to pull the trigger when Steve grabbed his wrist and twisted it around. In the awkward position that he was in, he couldn't see which direction the gun was in.

A shot was fired off and Weir ducked as the stray bullet flew threw the air. As she looked up from the floor she gasped and felt relieved when she realised that she had just escaped death.

Sheppard cursed as his hand was twisted as the wraith attempted to finish him off with his own weapon. He finally had to make a decision and pulled the trigger with the strength that he had left. Steve collapsed to the floor as somebody stunned him. Sheppard realised that it was Bates.

Weir descended the steps towards Major Sheppard and he had his back turned away from her, his hands in the air, "Don't move" she called out as he stared down at the wraith on the floor.

"Drop the weapon," she shouted.

He didn't comply.

"Drop the weapon!" shouted one of the military personnel.

"Hey," shouted Ford, "Weir, Major Sheppard is-"

"Ford i'm not talking to you," said Weir throwing him a dark look.

"Doctor Weir, its me…..i'm not," he began

"Major I don't know what you are, but I know what you've done. Now-"

"Look just listen-" he hissed, "I wasn't myself, I was manipulated."

"I tried to listen before but you didn't want to talk," she near shouted, "Just turn around slowly, allow yourself to be escorted into custody." She paused, "And then, we will talk."

This time Sheppard did as instructed and the gun clattered to the ground. He turned very slowly and when he did she was drawn to his stomach. It was wet, slick with blood.

"Major, you're bleeding," she stated.

"That's what I was trying to tell you," he said and slumped down to the floor.

"Lower your weapons," she shouted to the men around her and sank to her knees beside him. She lifted up his shirt and could see the bullet hole in his abdomen. She pressed her hand against the wound to staunch the flow of blood. "Stay with us Major" she whispered.

He mumbled something about being sorry, tried to hold on but couldn't and closed his eyes.

"Major!" she shouted over the commotion behind her, "Major!"

Beckett ran down the steps and sat beside her, feeling for a pulse. Any signs of life, "His pulse is weak ad thready we need to get him to surgery now."

--------------

Days later.

Beep beep.

He had been aware of that noise for the past hour.

beep beep beep.

But it was only a minute ago, that he had had the strength to open his eye lids.

Sheppard opened his eyes and looked at the blurry figures across the room talking to each other. His mouth was dry and he licked his lips.

"So whats the prognosis doctor?" asked Weir.

"Good, the bullet passed straight through but missed vital organs. He's stable," he smiled.

"Has he woken?"

"Yes," he said looking over at Sheppard.

"Has he said anything to you?"

"He doesn't remember what happened," he stated simply

"What do you mean?"

"Like I said he has no memory of the past few weeks."

"How could that be?" asked Weir pacing

"I don't know, maybe he saw a side to himself he didn't like. When were shocked we are capable of repressing certain information."

Weir noticed that Sheppard was watching them and walked over to him. He smiled, "Hey," he said

"Hey" she said back to him and reached out to touch his arm, "So, how are you feeling?"

"A little hazy," he admitted, "I seem to have misplaced a few weeks of my life."

"You don't remember, anything?" she pushed, "At all?"

He shook his head, "Nothing."

"What's the last thing you remember?"

He looked blank, and before he could struggle to answer she spoke up.

"You were injured," said Weir pulling a seat up to his bed, "Do you remember mk8586."

He nodded but looked confused.

"You were shot, you've been in a coma for two weeks," she said and looked down at his hand. She could see the bruising from an injections site and wondered it he would buy the story.

He didn't question it, he seemed to accept the answer, "Oh," he raised his eyebrows, "Is the rest of my team okay?" he asked raising slightly in his bed to look around the infirmary.

"Yeah, they're all fine," she said and he relaxed sinking back into his bed.

"Good," he said.

"So nothing then?" she asked again hopeful. Weir would have to put into a place protocol that would prevent personnel from mentioning the last few weeks. That is until Sheppard was willing to remember and deal with those events of the past week.

-------------------------------

Three weeks later.

"I was surprised that you arranged to talk to me," said Kate Heightmeyer from her comfy chair.

The man who was sat before had tried countless times to rearrange scheduled meetings and had gone so far as stealing a puddlejumper and hightailing it t the mainland just so he wouldn't have to speak to her. And now here he was. Sat in front of her, a lopsided grin on his face, his hair mussed up to the extreme, sitting opposite her shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"So what can I do for you?" she asked.  
"I wanted to talk to you…I mean I wanted to address.." he sighed, "I wanted to say that…i'm in love with Rodney," he said seriously

"Major!" she warned him.

"Okay sorry no..it's ford," he said and with a wry grin he lowered his head and closed his eyes.

"Self defence mechanism is humour," said Heightmeyer mock writing it down on a pad of paper.

"Im sorry," he said interlocking his hands and looking up at her, "I don't really know what im supposed to do at these things."

"Just relax," she said, "And start from the beginning."

"Okay," he rubbed the back of his neck and looked her straight in the eye "I wanted to talk about Afghanistan," he said.

"Okay," she opened his file and winced at the graphic photograph of him after his torture, "Im surprised you haven't come here earlier to be honest,"

"Well I…thought I was doing okay," he said, "But i've been thinking about it a lot lately. From nowhere it just seems to be all I think about and well I just need to talk some things out."

"Like I said start from the beginning."

"Okay well it all started with a….."

--------------------

Weir looked over the file that had been handed to her by Heightmeyer and laid it open on her desk, she read the words scrawled across the top op the page, _Major Sheppard displays classic signs of post traumatic stress syndrome. He has managed to push his feelings about Afghanistan away, however, his mental status is what I believe allowed the wraith to have a psychological advantage over him. His defences weakened I believe he was more susceptible to mind control. I have suggested he meet with me regularly for the next few weeks whilst he is grounded. Major Sheppard has agreed upon this course of action._

_-------------------------------_

Sheppard walked down to the cage and stared through the bars.

"Ah your back Major Sheppard."

Sheppard smiled, "Whatchya talking about?" he said walking around the cell, "I've come here, what, four times before?"

The wraith started at him and creased his brow, "You do not…remember?" he asked

"Remember what?" asked Sheppard. "You know people have been asking me that all week."

The wraith held him in his gaze and stared at him. Sheppard didn't move his eyes he continued to look into the wraiths eyes.

"What are you doing?" asked Sheppard and he laughed, "Some kind of mind control? Wooh," he said in a ghostly voice, "You know I still need to decide what to call you? Ill have a think about it" he said.

"You do not remember."

"That's what im telling you," he said and paused, "Ill be down a little later for a chat. We have lots to talk about, you have stuff to tell me about the wraith and well, I have lots of taunting to do." He put his hands behind his back "So sit comfortably."

"You _will_ remember," said the wraith "And when you do you will come back to me for answers."

Sheppard moved his head to the side and sighed, "Okay then, well im gonna get me a sandwich, you sit tight now," and with that he left.

please review when you have read this, thanks xxx


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